I had my child, Jack, 5 years ago in November, and I’ve got the scar to prove it. And also the child to prove it. Had I known Cicalux existed I could have used it in those first postpartum months — up to 6 months PP for best results — to reduce the appearance of my cesarian scar. My scar would have been more delicate and attractive. She would be cast in movies and have a British accent, like cutie-little-face Carrie Mulligan. My scar would be a moneymaker.
The way my cesarian scar really looks is akin to going outside in Michigan in January: better with pants on. I’m not one to wear pants, but I’m also learning to embrace my imperfections. C-sections happen! Thankfully, Cicalux also happens. And if you’re lucky enough to be reading this while sporting a bump, you can use their groundbreaking technology that rockets silicone treatments to the next level by adding heat and pressure. (Which is also the reason I stopped wearing pants: heat and pressure.)
But I digress. Cicalux = a catwalk scar / tens across the board.
The rest of us have two options. We can wear pants, or we can get a tattoo. (These are the only two options, sorry.)
Many women across the world have covered their less than lovely scars with flowers, butterflies, feathers, and even a very cool scene from Star Wars. And while I think covering your scar is a wonderful option for some, I would like to present the counterpart: highlighting your scar. Pretend you had Cicalux, the best linear scar treatment on the market, and draw attention to your scar with one of these brilliant tattoo ideas I’ve come up with.
And, because I love my ideas so much, if this article gets shared over 400 times I’ll let you, the reader, decide which tat I should get. Scouts’ honor.
THE HORIZONTAL SCAR
- How about an “Exit” sign with an arrow pointing to your scar? Conversely, perhaps you’d rather the “Parts & Service Enter Here” approach?
- Continue the line around your body to create a pair of tattooed underwear.
- Mark an “X” and sign your name.
- The earth! (For flat-earthers.)
- Hey, that scar looks like a plate! Put a pile of donuts on your scar plate!
- Tat a tiny person walking your tightrope scar.
- Big fan of Amazon? How about that Amazon smile smiling back at you forever, and ever…and ever.
- Three words: Kilroy Was Here.
THE VERTICAL SCAR
- Make your scar a pole and fly a flag at half-mast because OMG what is this world?
- Love karaoke? Create a mic stand, and add your favorite karaoke lyrics. (THERE’S VOMIT ON HIS SWEATER ALREADY/MOM’S SPAGHETTI)
- Love Mediterranean food? How about Gyro on a spit?
- Stick it to your enemy and put them behind bars on your stomach!
- A stripper on a pole!
- A fish on a fishing pole!
- The north pole!
- A polling place sign!
- Something else with a pole/poll!
The possibilities are endless.
So it’s up to you, friends. Best option: Cicalux scar treatment. Next best: pants, I GUESS. But the most creative idea is tatting it up. So share this article a bunch, and let me know which tattoo I’m getting!
Glennis McCarthy is a comedian and writer from Durango, CO who has written for Showtime and has been profiled in the NY Times despite having never gone to college. She is the creator of Gorgeous Ladies of Comedy and Dance Dance Party Party. GlennisMcCarthy.com
This sponsored article provides general information and discussions about health and related subjects. The information and other content provided in this article, or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment.